The morning of December 8, 2021, began the way most mornings did for Brigadier Lakhbinder Singh Lidder (called Toni by almost everyone) and his wife Geetika Lidder –– with tea and a conversation between two people who were “friends first and always had a lot to say to each other”, according to a book by Geetika Lidder.
Good news was on the table – a fresh posting, a promotion. They chalked out the move with “hope and gratitude”.
Toni left soon after the cups emptied out. He had to accompany General Bipin Rawat, India’s first Chief of Defence Staff, for a lecture in the Defence Services Staff College (DSSC) in Wellington.
Hours later, Brigadier Lidder, General Rawat and 11 others were killed when the armed forces chopper carrying them plunged into the hills of Coonoor, Tamil Nadu.
“To be a soldier’s wife is to live with the knowledge that every goodbye could be the last,” Geetika writes in her 207-page tribute to her late husband, a moving reflection on love, loss and survival, I Am A Soldier’s Wife, published by Roli Books.
But the book is more than that.
It is about life in the armed forces; Toni and Geetika were married for 27 years and the book traverses a global, decades-long arc – their early days as a couple, the breadth of their experiences from the Indian Military Academy in Dehradun to army quarters in Kazakhstan and Congo, the tribulations of a life in the forces, the joys of homecoming.
It is about the lives of army wives –– after their partner passes on to the great parade ground in the sky. In Lidder’s case, she returned to work just eight days after his death, seeking solace in the routine of her life, especially in the company of students. Her mentor, Manika Sharma, played a pivotal role in encouraging Geetika to apply for a vice principal position at Shri Ram School, a move that represented not only a professional growth but also a step toward reclaiming control over her life.
Beyond her professional commitments, Geetika regularly engages in spiritual practices, embracing the belief that everything, including Toni’s death, is part of a larger divine plan. “Everything is planned by the forces above us,” she remarked, finding comfort in the thought that Toni has fulfilled his duties and is now at peace.
And it is about grief. “The weight of grief is not just in the absence, but in the quiet details.” The half-empty wardrobe, the untouched favourite chair, the phone number you can’t bring yourself to delete.
The memoir, published by Roli Books, also peels back the layers on a man whose seemed set for greater things in the army –– he was 52 when he died –– and who seems to have made an impression on anyone who met him.
Geetika finds Toni’s influence and memories mostly fervently in their daughter Aashna.
“Toni loved every minute of it. He was so happy to be a father and I knew that he would love Aashna the most in his life – forever. Aashna completed us, she defined us, she brought us everything we were longing to have. She added a whole new dimension to our being. He always said, ‘Earlier we were a couple – it is only now that we are a family,” Geetika said.
More than four years since the afternoon that shocked India and shook its defence forces, Geetika admits there is “no moving on from Toni Lidder.”
“… he was always an essential part of me and remains so, while I still am a reflection of him,” she writes.
“When I meet him on the other side, as I cross the rainbow bridge, I know he will give me his trademark bear hug, fix a drink, click the glasses as he always insisted on doing, and say, ‘Cheers, well played, my girl. I am proud of you!”’